First Date Review: Rock Climbing

Part of the process with becoming a full time man is self-reflection and performance review. This most certainly includes dating. Dating, relationships, marriage — if you don’t treat them with as much importance as any other pursuit in life, you’re only to blame for failures.

To that end, I treat my interactions with women just as I would my career, sports, and health. I review the process post hoc, analyzing what went well, my behavior, her behavior, and what could be improved upon next time.

Like I’ve said before, men are made, not born, and it’s never over for a woman. If you’re not constantly rising, you’re falling.

Review and get better.

The Girl

So let’s get into it. The girl is 14 years younger than me. She’s a single mother, separated from a toxic marriage and in the process of divorce. Mind you, I learned that part on the date. I’m not completely turned off by it, but certainly cautious.

We met on a dating app, and spoke very briefly before setting something up.

She comes across as someone who is trying to make the best of life. She wants to raise her child with Christian principles, have more children, and be a stay-at-home mom. She’s also very enterprising. She started a business with her ex that she left behind.

The Initial Contact

Here’s how it went:

Notice a few things from our initial conversation.

1. She initiated the match.
2. By my second comment, I let her know that I was attracted to her.
3. The third time I spoke to her I asked for her number and a date.

Simple as one, two, three. That’s all it takes.

And that was it. In her last message, she offered her phone number. We texted a few times, set up a date, she had to reschedule, we rescheduled again, and then met.

I’d share all that with you, but the main takeaway is this:

When someone is interested in you, she will make herself available. It didn’t take much work, we didn’t text endlessly, and she was quick to reschedule with me when her plans changed.

Do not waste your time or emotional energy on endless chats with someone you aren’t that interested in. Be kind to them and to yourself. Know what you want, and if it doesn’t work, move on. None of us are getting any younger.

The Date

I arrived first; she arrived on time. From inside the rock climbing gym, I saw her walk in, gave her a big hug, and thanked her for coming. She filled out the waiver, I paid for her admission, and then we got the big tour of the place from an employee.

One of the biggest things I noticed from the start of the date was that she started confirming her attraction to me. As we stood next to each other at the gear counter, she stood close enough that we gently bumped each other. And she didn’t move.

Remember Rizz Rule #1 guys, Everything is a Test

The rest of the date went as well as anyone could have imagined. We climbed. I taught her a few things. We chatted. And we had a palpable and flirtatious tension throughout the night.

My Demeanor

Reviewing my demeanor, I’d describe it as helpful, steady, and playful — even competitive. We challenged each other to a side-by-side race to the top of the wall, and she beat me. Granted, she was on a much easier climb.

When she climbed, I’d offer advice, encouragement, and banter. I’d make just enough fun of her to keep it interesting. I’d physically touch her from time to time helping with the chalk bag wrapped around her waist, clipping her into the carabiner, and even showing her the basic steps of salsa dancing at one point.

I was calm, a gentleman, and talkative when I needed to be. I was also in tune with her. Everyone in the gym noticed us, yet I was focused on her, as she was focused on me. Our phones were put away, and we were locked in.

Her Behavior

As I’ve already mentioned, she gave off plenty of cues from the start. Her desire to be close, to touch and be touched was clear. She also gave away the “hypergamy” sign when she told me I probably get all the girls when I go out dancing. I simply played along, “Oh yeah, three on each arm.” With a wink.

Her smile was genuine, and she made comments about me during our time together, many of which were flirtatious — like looking at my legs while I was climbing, comments about my muscles, etc. I took them in stride but didn’t fully reciprocate.

At one point, she doubted her behavior and commented that being competitive wasn’t ladylike. I told her that was fine — I would just destroy her every time and rub it in her face constantly.

That lit her up.

She made an effort to discuss herself and her situation and thanked me many times for the date. We discussed the possibility of a future date, I walked her to her car, and that was it.

Later that evening, I got home and texted her to see if she arrived home. She confirmed with a smile emoji and thanked me again. Then I went to sleep.

My Review

As I think about our evening together, it felt effortless. She was fun, funny, sporty, kind, and pretty. I love a competitive woman. And she was teachable. I am attracted to her physically, even her “mom-bod” features (I’m attracted to moms).

Her eyes are gorgeous.

She came across as the kind of woman who knows what she wants and is willing to go for it. This can scare some men, but I find it attractive.

There are some red flags with her divorce not being finalized. She has a restraining order on the ex and has a young child. Most men would shy away from this. I’ve experienced all of that before, and I’m willing to give her a chance despite it.

Generally speaking, I can’t think of anything I would have done differently. When I go on a date with a woman, I never gush or show my cards. She left knowing that this was my decision. She put forth her best effort and did her best to show me her worth, and I appreciate that.

My rule of thumb is this: three strikes you’re out. If by the third date I don’t see our paths aligning, I cut it. We will see if it makes it that far.

After leaving the date, I had a first-time call with another woman at 8:45 pm.

+++UPDATE+++

Single mom backed out on me before our second date. I have no problem with it. She told me she had been on three dates with a man and wanted to see where that goes. She was being honest with me and loyal to the process with him, which I admire.

I hope God has something good in store for her, and I'm thankful he has something else in mind for me.

Besides, I've had a few more interactions and calls with the other girl I mentioned above. The connection and my attraction for her seems much more natural and desirable.